| Sunday, July 29th, 2007 |
| 2:47 am |
I wish I had what I needed...
To be on my own
'Cause I feel so defeated
And I'm feeling alone
And it all seems so helpless
And I have no plans
I'm a plane in the sunset
With nowhere to land
And all I see
It could never make me happy
And all my sand castles
Spend their time collapsing
Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
And let that be enough
It's my birthday tomorrow
No one here could know
I was born this Thursday
22 years ago
And I feel stuck
Watching history repeating
Yeah, who am I?
Just a kid who knows he's needy
Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
And let that be enough-Let That Be Enough by Switchfoot ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Fuck... I need new friends. =/ Current Mood:  melancholy |
| Tuesday, January 30th, 2007 |
| 12:22 pm |
I have a hopeless elementry school like crush on somebody. =] The type that any time the other person is around my heart starts beating faster.. and I get all these silly butterflies in my tummy.. and and and I can't look them in the eyes with out smiling and I'm worried about everything I say because I don't want to say something stupid... but I ALWAYS end up saying something stupid because I'm nervous and then I can't stop blushing. Tehe... I haven't felt like this in decades. <3 ..I miss you guys. =[ 52 days. Current Mood:  PurpleCurrent Music: Mae <3 |
| Friday, October 13th, 2006 |
| 7:05 pm |
Oh, Dear God.. I think he fell..
The weather is AMAZING.I never realized how in love with Fall I am until this year. =] It's sunny.. but cold enough to wear a jacket. And and and the colorful leafs scattered across the grass. And the crunch they make under your feet. <3 ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ I haven't been sleep a lot. I mean... I really haven't been sleeping. Last night I got one whole hour. =/ The night before... only two. That's probably not good. Irronically we've been studying sleep deprivation in psychology this week. =] I love irony. I also love Senses Flail's new Cd. <3333 "A man bends down and says,
"Son, we're gunna get through this one.
Take my hand and let us pray."
I scream, "Please, get the fuck away."In the back of their CD... under their 'Thank yous' section.. they say, "We'd like to thank every band who didn't thank God in their album." Hehe. I think I need someone to talk to. =/ Current Mood:  cynicalCurrent Music: The Priest and the Matador by Senses Flail |
| Friday, September 29th, 2006 |
| 10:28 pm |
I don't break hearts, I just dent them..
Ugh... =/ I ALWAYS manage to lose everything amazing. ..always. On a happy note, the new Saosin CD is amazing. <33 Last night I walked to the park down the street from my house. I sat on this huge hill next to a pretty pond.. under hundereds of stars.. and the Dener skyline on the horizon.. and just thought. It was sooo peaceful and I realized a lot of important things. I've changed A LOT since I moved. More than I wanted to admit. I feel like I'm growing up twice as fast here. ..I'm nervous. I don't want to disappoint him. =/ Current Mood:  contemplativeCurrent Music: Saosin. <3 |
| Sunday, September 24th, 2006 |
| 9:58 pm |
I know I'm going to regret this..
It's amazing what a weekend away from EVERYTHING can do. <3 Lake City is possibly the most beautiful place on Earth, and this was my first time seeing it covered in snow. =] You better be jealous Scott and Jim.. hehe. That stars are breath-taking. You can see hundereds of them... and the mountain air... and and and the half frozen lakes... and the towering gorgeous mountains... Gah! I want to go back already. =[ He called me twice to tell me he misses me and can't stop thinking about me. =] [No, NOT Chris.] ily guys and miss you like crazy! Current Mood:  ecstaticCurrent Music: Blink 182 ~ Here's Your Letter |
| Wednesday, September 20th, 2006 |
| 8:41 pm |
Oh noes!
I forgot to update yesterday... oh well. It was emo and bad anyway... =/ Buuttt... on another note... My family is amazing. =] We went to this yummy Chinese food place for dinner tonight.. and Amy, my father and I all sat around talking about the Bible.. and philosiphy.. and how the universe was created n'shtuff. It was interesting hearing my dad finally say he believes in God. He never really had much Faith before. Oh yeah! And even thought guys can be total douche bags.. they can be pretty damn amazing too. =] I get to go to Lake City this weekend and I'm ECSTATIC! <333 I miss you guys terribly, thought. =[ Current Mood:  contentCurrent Music: Blink 182 |
| Monday, September 18th, 2006 |
| 9:33 pm |
Now that I can see you...
...I don't think you're worth a second glance.[Sorry if this offends anyone, but it's my journal and I'm damn-well going to put what I feel in it.] So it's been about a week since we broke up.. and I hate to admit that I'm doing amazingly well. The more I talk to him... the more I realize how extremely stupid I was to put up with his shit for so long. =X He's such a whore. All he does is post his 'kEwL KnEw ScEne kId pIcz' and flirt with anyone who responds. =/ It's disgusting. I've been trying to forget every moment of the summer we fell in love.. because he's not the same guy anymore.. and holding on to that memory was the only thing that kept me with him so long. So I've been out doing all kinds of things to keep my mind off it... I went to homecoming! It was the first time anyone's taken me to a dance! It was sooooo much fun! =] I had my firstest slow dance! [Besides with Misti.] And and and they played 80's music! And we had midnight Taco Bell! <33 Gah... and then I hung out at Craig's house with a bunch of friends for the rest of the night. =] It's so weird looking at guys and thinking that I can actually be with them. When I was with Chris.. I never even THOUGHT about dating other people... but now it's like a whole new amazing world has appeared out of no where. All the sudden I can look into someone else's eyes and FEEL something for them. On a completely different note... I just got like 4 CDs!! Yay! Old Straylight Run! <3 Blink 182 The Fall of Troy. <3 annddd... Cute is What We Aim For! =]]] I've decided I'm going to start updating my journal every day now. Even if nothing important happens. I miss you guys like crazy. =[ ily all! Current Mood:  optimisticCurrent Music: Cute is What We Aim For ~ Teasing to Please |
| Wednesday, September 13th, 2006 |
| 4:17 pm |
You wanted the best... it wasn't me..
I can't believe how drastically things have changed in the past few months. Last school year, sitting on our balcony... I wouldn't have guessed in a million years we'd end up where we are now in life. ...or even WHO we are now. I still can't figure out if change is for the better. Current Mood: contemplativeCurrent Music: I'm not oh fucking kay by My Chemical Romance |
| Sunday, September 10th, 2006 |
| 1:39 am |
I was never your best bet...
They say that in the end you start thinking about the begining... All the things that lead you to where you are now. And they're right. It's all I've been able to think about. =[ I still remember the first time I met him in the bowling alley... The day he came over and made me go to the pond with him for no reason at all.. Heh.. Every single summer night when we'd just fall asleep in eachother's arms and it would feel like nothing outside of that moment even existed. =] That's always been my favorite feeling in the world.. and I had never felt it before he came along. But as much as I try not to... all I can do is sit there and recall every single second I've spent with him. Our first kiss... When we would sing Something Corporate and the Used together... Stargazing on the trampoline... Planning out our future together.. Running through sprinklers... Looking deep into his eyes... Holding hands as we wandered through the amusement park... The Rodeo... The Puyallup fair... The night he swore that he'd never EVER date anyone else if he ever lost me.. [We all know promises are only made to be broken, though.] It's like a broken record... playing over and over again in my mind.. making it immposible to sleep.. or even think about anything but what I'm not going to have anymore. It brings tears to my eyes knowing that I'm never going to kiss him again... I'm never going to hear him say, "I love you.." before I hang up the phone. I'm never again going to be able to look into his eyes and think, "This is the boy I'm going to spend the rest of my life with.." ..because some things just aren't meant to be. This is going to be the hardest week of my life and I don't even have my mother or my friends to turn to for support. =/ I've never cried so hard in my life... and I bet he's already moved onto someone new. <\333 Current Mood:  crushedCurrent Music: Konstantine by Something Corporate |
| Monday, September 4th, 2006 |
| 12:32 am |
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| Sunday, August 20th, 2006 |
| 7:23 pm |
Let's declare this an emergency...
I'm nervous. I have been for the past few days... To the point where I can't even stop shaking. I don't even know why... and I wish I could just feel fine again. <3 Spanky I've got more to say, I just can't remember it at the moment. Current Mood:  anxiousCurrent Music: Blood Brothers. <3 |
| Saturday, August 12th, 2006 |
| 3:45 am |
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| Thursday, August 10th, 2006 |
| 4:40 pm |
"Let's set our hearts to self-destruct..."
Ugh... I feel like I've changed everything in my life I possibly can.. except myself. I want to get rid of all my bad habits and start living life they way I've always wanted to live it. I want to be happy with every dicision I make and stop second guessing myself. I want to KNOW who I am. =[ I'm so nervous. This is NOT easy for me. Current Mood: lonelyCurrent Music: Taking Back Sunday - I am Fred Astire |
| Monday, July 24th, 2006 |
| 6:27 pm |
I'll be stuck fixated on one star...
...As the world is crashing down.So I think you all, [those who read this] should call me and demand a time to hang out. I've got 5 days left in Washington before I move to Colorado to live with my father. Current Mood:  RushedCurrent Music: Emo.. |
| Wednesday, July 19th, 2006 |
| 3:51 pm |
She's falling in love with shipwrecks. <3
Awww... <3 I'm going to steal Kendal when John and Sarah leave. She's sooooo adorable! [She's my 2 year old niece.] Current Mood: contentCurrent Music: Dark Blue by Jack's Mannequin |
| Sunday, July 16th, 2006 |
| 3:30 pm |
I need you defenseless, dependent and alone.
I would give anything to have to walk a mile in my old shoes. The ones I wore when I was younger and even more naive. When I would sit on the swings across the street from the house I grew up in... ...wondering what my first kiss would be like. <3 ...if I'd ever fall in love. ...what the person would be like and if they'd love me back. ...how amazing it was going to be to mean the world to someone. ...scared of what highschool was going to be like. ...and how much I'd have to grow up. And now.. I don't wonder about anything anymore. I don't have that same anticipation about growing up and doing new things as I did when my parents were still together. I wish I could think about what my life is going to be like 3 years from now and actually be excited about it. I miss being a little kid. =( Current Mood: EmoCurrent Music: On My Own by the Used. <3 |
| Sunday, June 25th, 2006 |
| 8:04 pm |
I'll drown you out, you'll never scream so loud. <33
So.. I hate peanut-butter... but a jelly sandwhich is just too plain. I thought you should know. K? Thnx. I hate being grounded. >.< On the plus side.. my room has never been cleaner. Someone come chill with me or give me sumfing fun to do! <333 ily all. Current Mood:  boredCurrent Music: Silverstien and Senses Flail |
| 2:38 am |
Beause, honestly, that's all that we have left.
You know those people that are completely unsepratebale? The ones who go crazy if they have to go through one whole day without at least hearing the other person's voice... The ones who finish eachother's sentances... And know exactly what the other person is thinking at any given moment... The ones who can tell eachother anything and everything because they completely trust eachother 100%... ..I want that. ..I miss that. |
| Saturday, June 24th, 2006 |
| 1:06 pm |
Rainy says that I never update my journal anymore... so I decided I will... Urm. This summer's been pretty fun so far. <3 My friends are the coolest people in the world. 3 more days!! Homigawd I can't wait. <333 -thinking of other highlights- Oh yeah! I found a new spot I need to take you all to. Just not all at once. =) Or it might cave in. You know the giant water tower that's right by my house? Well last night at like 2am Julia, Jeff and I all walked over there to see if we could get to the top... but the ladder to the white one was closed and there was no way to climb up. So we just decided to walk around the base for a little. We got to the base of the other tower [the big icky brown one] and there was a huge arch that lead inside of it. So we walked in and found a ladder that was about 20 feet high. We climbed it and it lead to a tiny platform with ANOTHER ladder about the same hight. So we climbed that one too... and [you guessed it] ...it lead to ANOTHER ladder. So we climbed like 4 ladders until we finally came to this cat walk type thing. There were 2 different ladders. One lead to some giant bowl like thing and the other one was like 40 feet tall! We didn't know what it lead to. As we got closer to the top I noticed it was just a circle that looked like it had a couple white spots painted on it. But each step I noticed more dots were appearing... until I realized... they were stars. We had climbed outside to the very top of the water tower. Oh my gawd... it was AMAZING. I've always thought Lakewood was such a dull, boring, ugly city... but from the top I could see clear cross all the city lights. I could even see the McChord water tower and the Puget Sound... ..and it was sooo quiet. Sooo peaceful. I couldn't even begin to describe how amazing it was. My words don't do it any justice. You all will just have to come and see for yourselves one day. <3 But anyway... we stayed there until the sun rose around 4am... and then on our way back we were all excited because we found an awesome new place and we didn't even get caught... but you have to climb over a fence to get in there.. and we had to go back over it. Half of the gate had barbed wire and the other half didn't. Julia was the last one to climb over and she accidently put her hand on the barbed wire and fell. So she got this HUGE deep gash in her hand.. >.< So that sucked. But I'm deffinately going up there again tonight. And I think anyone else who wants to see it should come with me the night we go to Canadia. And that's all Spanky can think to update with. Ilya. <3 Current Mood:  Eh.. |
| Saturday, June 17th, 2006 |
| 11:18 pm |
So I have this amazing feeling that this summer is going to take my breath away. <3 Thanks so much. I love you guys. =O I lost our peanutbutter on the jungle-gym. =( Current Mood: ecstaticCurrent Music: Amber Pacific. <3 |
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foreveryours17's journal
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